OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
