you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
pray to the hookup gods
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
