You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
