Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
