she was so not down for the gang bang
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize