She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
