so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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