Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
