I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
