Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
