so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
