dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
is wine microwaveable?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I fill condoms, not promises.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
