theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
