Swine flu. Run for my life!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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