John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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