how can u be prego again
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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