You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
