what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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