had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize