and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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