So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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