i would punch a child for taco bell
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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