dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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