KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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