Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
