Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
did you just send me my own nude
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
