why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
