It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
