I got chris browned last night
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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