Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
