the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize