How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
