Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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