i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
