It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize