I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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