Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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