she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
