she looked like the before picture.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
