Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
