Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize