8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
