I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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