My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
