She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
