Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
