So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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