I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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