I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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