I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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