What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
