Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the day after is always just damage control
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
