she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Randomize
