dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
