haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
