My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up under a house in Key West
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