I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize