I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
