I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
