Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
