I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Green mimosas i think yes
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
