I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
