just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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