i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
