I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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