i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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