I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
