shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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