My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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