hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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