i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
