i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
