so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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