But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
