i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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