my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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