After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
