I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
