I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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