No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
