Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
