just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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