Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
