the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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